Late Coffee…Early Cocktails

We are often asked by our dirt-dweller friends and relatives about the scary aspects of cruising. Usually the questions revolve around pirates or storms. Our stock answer is that living together in 300 square feet of space is by far the most fearsome facet of our lifestyle. And until now that has been true, our daily sacrifices to spousal content have been much more trying than the 50-knot storm we weathered at sea or the night a large, unlit cutter stalked us in the dark.

That was until 2 days ago when the issue that all cruisers fear more than any other reared its ugly head on Yoohoo. Something in our sanitation system was royally plugged, leaving the head kaput and the crew using a plastic bucket.

We were indoctrinated to the inadequacies of marine heads and holding tank systems on our first voyage on Yoohoo. Just one day out of Annapolis where we bought Yoohoo, Cap’t Claw went below and found his olfactory senses beset by a horrific odor. Soon he popped his head back up for a gulp of fresh air and announced that he’d discovered a cracked fitting on top of the holding tank, a crack which was now leaking. Ewwww!

His crew, brother Hurricane Charlie and myself, offered immediate support by pointing out that sanitation system repairs were listed under Other Duties Shirked on our sailing resumes. While the poor skipper cheerfully went below to repair and clean, his crew of ingrates promptly dubbed him “Cap’t You’re-In-Charge”.

So it was not a great surprise to Cap’t You’re-In-Charge that this time I offered my full support by searching for cheap, shore-side lodging as he prepared to delve into our problem. Desperate to get the boat out of the cold waters in Stuart, we had departed and made a two-day trip to warmer waters knowing that we’d be dealing with a dead head at least until we arrived in Miami Beach. We debated continuing on to the Keys due to a good weather window but decided to suck it up and fix it here.

We anchored off Star Island, home to 18 million dollar estates and many big names because in the past, we’d been the only boat anchored here and a marine store was a short dinghy ride away. We wanted to be far away from any other boats but close to the store if we needed parts. Cap’t You’re-In-Charge armed himself with boxes of vinyl gloves, plastic garbage bags, lots and lots of tape and one clothespin for the nose, then gingerly started dismantling that dead head. Through a long, tedious process of elimination, the head mechanism itself was proved working, then each section of hose, then the vented loop, before finding the clog in the hose section between the vented loop and the diverter valve.

Cap't You're-In-Charge & Scuppers at work

I’m sure you don’t want the full details but marine sanitation systems are subject to a build-up of calcified scale caused by a mixture of the salt water used to flush and other residue. This mortar mixture ensures that if you do not properly maintain your hoses by removing each section and wacking it against a hard surface until the mortar breaks free, the hoses will fully close and pumping cease. The pure distastefulness of this process meant it never ranked highly on our endless list of system maintenance chores. Without a proper hard surface to wack the plugged hose, Cap’t You’re-In-Charge sat in the cockpit and skewered the hose clean with a long, copper ground wire.

We’ve noticed while doing refit projects in the marina that the more embarrassing a project is the more likely friends and strangers will appear to offer suggestions and opinions. So our anchorage, picked for isolation, soon filled with about 8 other boats many anchored within the “sniff zone”. Then friends on sailing vessel Destiny called on the VHF, welcomed us to Miami Beach and said they’d drop by this afternoon. “Ummmm, please call first, we’re ummm working on a ummmmm big system and we wouldn’t want you to witness our ummmmm dissaray”. The crew on Destiny, seasoned cruisers, instantly figured out from that cryptic reply that we were busy rotor-rootering and found better things to do that afternoon.

Meanwhile, due to our plush location anchored right off Will Smith and Vanilla Ice’s homes, the tour boats

Happy tourists making the rounds

from Miami kept running right by Yoohoo, keeping the eager tourists busy snapping photos of our pretty sailboat at anchor. Cap’t You’re-In-Charge obliged the photo opportunities by grinning and waving the hose in greeting as each boat went by. Priceless.

Six hours later, all hoses and fittings were reassembled, clamped, checked and rechecked, Yoohoo and crew were thoroughly bleached and, God bless our intrepid hero Cap’t You’re-In-Charge, the head was working smoothly. If we ever are boarded by pirates we will hand over our booty in that very special plastic bucket with fond and humble memories.